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Children are tiny human beings. We, as parents and teachers or caretakers, often forget this fact. They experience a full range of emotions whether it’s joy, anger, sadness, or even physical feelings and sensations such as pain and hunger.
They might not always have the right words or tools to express, describe or display these very complex emotions. After all, neither do most adults if we’re being honest.
It’s not because of their age alone; human emotions are a complex thing for anyone—big or small, young or old—to experience. No emotion is negative; each has its own value and its own place in our experiences.
When as adults, we struggle to emote clearly and express how we feel, how difficult would it be for our kids, who lack the vocabulary the understanding of what makes for an appropriate response?
How can I help my child express their emotions?
As the grown up, it’s important that you take care of your child’s needs. Not just their basic needs for survival, such as food, clothing and shelter, but their mental and emotional needs too.
These needs extend beyond just the surface. A lot of the choices and actions you take as a parent can have a lasting impact on your child. For a well-rounded, mentally and emotionally stable child, who grows into an adult of the same kind, certain things are essential. For instance:
- Unconditional love and support
- A stable home and family environment
- Safety
- Learning environments that are supportive
- High-self esteem and sense of self-worth
When there is a gap with any—or many—of the above, the child might experience confusion, hurt, neglect or emotional turmoil. Often, despite there being adequate support, love and stability in their daily lives, there can be an incident or an external factor that upsets them.
How else can a child—who doesn’t quite understand that throwing a cup of water or their favorite toy across the room is not okay—supposed to express that they’re upset? Not every child will be demure or expressive, or even old enough to know the word ‘sad,’ or ‘angry.’
And what about those kids who aren’t loud or boisterous enough to throw a tantrum meant to show how they feel? Many of these quieter kids tend to react by shutting down. They stop interacting and engaging or talking altogether. This is beyond the point of just being shy, especially socially.
If your kid is unable to open up or show how they feel, it might be a problem.
This is where you come in as a parent. Whether it’s brought on by a sudden onslaught of behavioral issues and tantrums, a quieter than usual kid, a kid that’s refusing to eat, or is needier than before, there are warning signs to watch out for.
Perhaps it hasn’t even come to that point, and you’re just looking to teach your child how to express themselves better in any situation. There’s no such thing as ‘too early’ to equip your child with the right tools and techniques for showing you how they feel—you are, after all, their primary confidante and caretaker.
Start by adopting the following habits and building up from there. These are tips and tricks that can be adapted for children of various ages and levels of maturity. And even though they’re situational, these are good habits to practice in general:
1) Keep Your Emotions in Check and Stay Calm
It’s easy to lose your cool when your toddler or even older kid is throwing a tantrum, screaming, crying bloody murder and refuses to cooperate. You just want to snap at them, tug their little ear and tell them off.
Often your anger can aggravate their emotions and lead to more of a resistance. With emotions flying around like that, it’s not doing anybody much good.
Take a breath; step away if you need to; ignore other people if you’re in public and calm down.
2) Comfort and Connect With Them
Comfort your child. Reach out to them, support them, hold them if they let you. Sometimes physical touch can be incredibly calming and offer a sense of security for the crying or angry child.
Let them know that you’re there with them and you’re on their side. Connect with them through touch or give them the space they need.
Don’t impose yourself on them or force them to embrace you. Let them find safety on their own terms. Remember, they’re human beings with complex emotions; not just puppets that you can will to do anything.
3) Name the Feeling—Or Offer a Name and Let Them Decide
Once you’re able to connect or even talk from a distance, ask them what’s wrong. It’s that simple. Ask them how they’re feeling, why they’re feeling that way and offer names for emotions. Is it sadness? Is it anger? Is it neither? Even if they’re unable to offer a word right there, they’ll have the comfort of feeling heard and noticed. It’s incredibly important to do whatever you can to provide them the scaffolding they need.
4) Empathize
This goes without saying; your empathy means everything! Don’t patronize them or think of it as another tantrum—you’ll know when it’s more than that—but offer empathy at all times.
How would you, as an adult who is upset by something that happened, or that someone did, feel if you decided to show your feelings and be met with more anger? Or got told off for being dramatic and unreasonable?
We’ve all been there; we’ve all done that. This can escalate to a form of emotional abuse and gaslighting, and you don’t want to hurt your children like that. Remember, you are their safety net; you’re their primary companion. Exercise that empathy they need.
5) Offer Alternatives of Expression, Not Punishments
Again, you wouldn’t like to be met with a punishment, or deprivation for experiencing a normal, natural human emotion right? Then why do that to your child? Don’t punish them unnecessarily and scare them from ever opening up to you. Instead, present them with alternatives. You can use emotion charts, reward systems, codewords and so much more to teach them expression. It’s about what works for you and your little one.
Together, as parents and educators, we must work to provide our kids with healthy coping mechanisms and raise happy, well balanced individuals.
At our preschool and daycare center in Oviedo, FL, we try our best to help your kids grow. To learn more about our affordable daycare program, we encourage you to reach out to us here.