How Toddlers React To Change Is Beyond Their Control

Coping with change is hard for children just as it is for adults. Unlike us, they haven’t yet developed the tools that they need to manage the discomfort, disappointment, and other emotions that go along with change. They need your help to learn how to react to tough changes.

Life is full of changes beyond their control for children. Every day, they learn new words, tastes, and textures. They are frequently introduced to new people, environments, and experiences. While many of these new experiences evoke positive emotions like wonder and awe, they can also provoke discomfort and fear. Even navigating transitions from one activity to another can be difficult for children. Significant changes, like starting a new school, moving, or a divorce, can be incredibly scary.

According to Dr. Chinwe Williams, there are four ways to help your toddler cope with tough changes.

1. Allow Them Time to Process

Many adults cope with change by jumping into a new task or relationship instead of processing the emotions it evokes. This isn’t an excellent coping method, especially for children. Kids’ minds are still developing. They can’t understand their feelings and don’t have the impulse control that adults do. That’s why they often respond to changes by melting down into tears, screaming, or getting physical (hitting, pushing, etc.). Instead of trying to distract or redirect them immediately, allow them time to process their emotions. Empathizing with their feelings at that moment can help. For example, if they are melting down about the end of a playdate, you could share your sadness about saying goodbye. “When I have to say goodbye to my friends, it makes me sad. Are you feeling sad about playtime being over and saying goodbye?”

2. Make Them Feel Safe & Secure

We all want to make our children feel safe and secure. Unfortunately, telling them that they are safe often isn’t enough to make them feel it. Hugs, high fives, and other physical affection types reinforce that message. Wrapping them in your arms when they struggle to cope with a significant change can calm them and assure them that they are safe. Maintaining your routines through times of significant changes can make them feel secure. Even if you are in the middle of a move or a divorce, maintaining the same bedtime and morning routine will make them feel secure.

3. Get Them Feel Involved

Kids love to help. Lending a hand to help others builds up their confidence and gives them a sense of control. If they are struggling with a significant change, finding a way to get them involved can help them cope. For example, if they are worried about a new school year, take them with you to pick out school supplies and a backpack. If their biggest struggle is coping with the change between transitions like going to bed, let them pick out a book to read at night or a bedtime snack.

4. Be Compassionate and Patient

When your child is melting down, it can be hard to be compassionate and patient. We often forget that what seems easy to us is hard for children because they don’t have our years of experience. They are still learning everything and developing. Try to see the world from your child’s perspective, especially when they are struggling. Offer them compassion and patience as they try to master their emotions and cope with changes. Don’t let your anxiety or frustration make it harder. Our children respond to our feelings. Your negative emotions can rub off on them, making the situation worse.

Life with toddlers is tough! The staff here at Kids ‘R Kids Avalon Park are here to help. Our childcare center and educational programs are designed to help children thrive in a safe environment that sees them as a whole person. If you’d like to learn more, get in touch!