Raising a Strong-Willed Preschooler

Is your preschooler a strong-willed child? If you have considered your child to be “stubborn”, “spirited”, or “difficult”, you may have a strong-willed child. Your preschooler may express their needs and wants in an uncontrolled way. They desperately want to be in charge of themselves and can even put their need to be “right” in front of everything else. Strong-willed preschoolers are very emotional beings and require a special type of parenting to encourage a healthy focus on positive outcomes.

Although strong-willed children can be a challenge to parent when they are young, they can truly be a blessing in disguise. Strong-willed children often grow up to be self-motivated & inner-directed, are great leaders, and go after what they want. They are also often invulnerable to peer pressure. The goal, as a parent, is to not break their will, but instead help them feel like they have some control & a voice even though you, as the parent, are in control of the rules and the environment.

Here are a few positive parenting tips for a strong-willed preschooler:

Tip 1 – Avoid Power Struggles- Your child will probably be prone to power struggles but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to attend every argument to which you are invited. Instead of raising your voice and trying to force them to do something, set limits, give choices, and understand that respect goes both ways. Picking your battles can help your child save face and can avoid major meltdowns for both your child and yourself. First and foremost, safety first. There should be no exceptions to those rules, but when it comes to smaller things, such as what they wear to the grocery store, a compromise should be in order.

Tip 2 – Give Them Choices- Parents should give their strong-willed child positive choices when enforcing rules. Since your strong-willed preschooler wants to make their own decisions, you can use this to your advantage when it comes to getting them to follow rules. If you’d like your child to pick up their toys, give them a choice to pick up groups of toys first. “Do you want pick up your Legos first or would you rather pick up your cars first?” In the end, the child will be picking up their toys, but they will be able to make their own choice which feels like power to them.

Tip 3 – Create a Routine- Preschoolers thrive on structure so having a weekly schedule or telling your child about events in advance can help them predict what’s going to happen next. Creating simple, predictable systems can also help. If your preschooler has trouble getting ready for school and constantly fights over what they wear, have them pick out their outfit the night before. It can become part of the bedtime routine that they can look forward to, and it helps tremendously the next morning when it’s time to get ready for school.

Tip 4 – Allow them to be Masters of their Own Activities- Strong-willed children love mastering everything they do. Using a Behavioral/Chore chart with rewards or simply allowing them to take charge of many of their daily activities will help them gain confidence and feel independent. When your child feels more in charge of themselves, they will have less need to be oppositional in other situations.

By listening to your child, offering respect & empathy, and seeing situations from their point of view, you can help your child feel understood. Most strong-willed children are fighting for respect and if you offer it to them, they won’t feel the need to fight to protect their position & integrity.

For more information on parenting & teaching strong-willed children, contact our staff anytime. We work with a range of wonderful children, all with different personalities. We strive to meet the needs & learning styles of each and every child, and this includes those creative, passionate, and determined strong-willed preschoolers! We have years of experience helping children express their needs and desires in a constructive way and can assist parents who would like more advice on working with these beautiful, brilliant children.