Teaching Preschoolers to Enjoy Honesty

Around the age of 3-5, children are just beginning to learn the line between reality & fantasy. Although honesty is a trait highly valued by adults, young children may regularly produce lies or tall tales much to the dismay of parents. Is lying at this age a sign of concern and should you be worried that you are raising a future criminal because your child tends to lie when confronted? Here’s a look into lies, truths, and your preschooler to help you understand how to get your little one to appreciate honesty.

Why do children lie?

Every child will lie on occasion, but the reasons they lie can vary. First, young children (pre-kindergarten ages) do not yet fully understand the difference between what is truth and what is not. Many of their “lies” actually are simple, innocent fantasies and not real deception. Known as wishful thinking, preschoolers often say they did (or didn’t) do something simply because they wish they had (or hadn’t).

A child may also lie to avoid parental disapproval and the shame and negative consequences that follow. On the other hand, a preschooler may create stories because they want to impress others or gain the attention of adults. Children who have low self-esteem or feel insecure will lie to pique the interest of other individuals, whether they are peers or adults.

How to encourage honesty.

• Teach your child that lying doesn’t work – Discussing the consequences of lying and teaching your child the importance of telling the truth can go a long way in discouraging the activity. Explain that lying can stop people from believing them, even when they are being honest, and that lying can hurt friendships. A great example is the “Boy who Cried Wolf”.
• Try not to confront your child & demand a confession when rules are broken – Your preschooler will often lie when you try to force your child into a confession of bad behavior. Most children (and even adults) will lie to protect themselves from punishment when put on the hot seat. Instead, it’s best to state what your rules are and offer a solution. For example, when your little one draws on the wall, instead of demanding a confession (of a behavior you already know the answer to) simply state “Our rule in the house is to only draw on paper, but I see you got crayon on the wall. We need to get a sponge and clean this up.” Since lecturing and criticizing your child tends to lead to defensiveness and more lying, it’s easier to give your child a chance to make amends and clean up after their mistake.
• Figure out what is causing your child to be dishonest – Trying to find out why your child feels they need to lie is an important step in helping encourage honesty. If your preschooler feels overly pressured to perform better or to avoid harsh discipline, your child may be too afraid to tell the truth. It’s important to remember that all punishments and consequences should be there to teach a child right from wrong, not to cause distress or distrust.
• Praise your preschooler when they are honest – Teaching a child doesn’t just involve punishment for bad behavior. It helps to also encourage and reward for great behavior and honesty. Setting up a reward system for children that frequently lie can help encourage honesty and truth.

If you have any questions on how to help your child curb the fibs & tall tales, speak with our highly experienced staff. Our award winning preschool program can help develop social & emotional skills necessary for developing communication skills that include an appreciation of honesty.